


The Lonely Journal Keeper

by NightStreaktheBold



Series: The Seven Birds [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Lucretia's POV, Spoilers for Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, TAZ: Balance, The Bureau of Balance, Tres Horny Boys Enjoying Life at the Bureau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightStreaktheBold/pseuds/NightStreaktheBold
Summary: The voidfish wasn’t an exact science. Intellectually, Lucretia understood this, but without really having a frame of reference she always felt unprepared for the side effects. She could forget the edges of the friction burn in her mind, the places where the static had rubbed out the memories, and once she had been splashed by the ichor, it was an impossible sensation to remember. That was why, every time the boys acted like their old selves, she felt her heart slam into the bottom of her ribcage, the freefall terror that they would remember, that it could wear off and she would lose them permanently.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Magnus Burnsides & Davenport & Merle Highchurch & Lucretia & Lup & Taako, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch & Taako
Series: The Seven Birds [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848721
Comments: 10
Kudos: 49





	The Lonely Journal Keeper

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS for Episode 66 and beyond!  
> This is my first fanfiction in over eight years, but I couldn't think of a better show to get me back into fandom! I love the Adventure Zone more than pretty much any other piece of media I have EVER consumed, and it's such a joy to play in the McElroy's sandbox. All of the characters, places, and references contained here belong to the McElroy Brothers and their father Clint, and are a true joy in my life.

The voidfish wasn’t an exact science. Intellectually, Lucretia understood this, but without really having a frame of reference she always felt unprepared for the side effects. When they first encountered Fisher and his family, she had known the static feeling, the sense of loss in her mind of the performances at the Legato Conservatory that hadn’t quite made the cut. Even so, she could forget the edges of the friction burn in her mind, the places where the static had rubbed out the memories, and once she had been splashed by their ichor, it was an impossible sensation to remember. That was why, every time the boys acted like their old selves, she felt her heart slam into the bottom of her ribcage, the freefall terror that they would remember, that it could wear off and she would lose them permanently.

______

Before the whole insane business with Lucas Miller and his absurd scheme that ruined Candlenights, she’d done her best to stay away from them. Merle had tried a few times to bridge the distance she’d worked to put between them, but she’d spent years crafting her Madam Director persona, and she knew how to make herself seem distant without looking like she was trying to avoid them.

That night though, as she was doing her utmost to fight off the rising waves of panic as more information came in, she found herself unable to remain cool and detached. The boys were rushing to prep themselves, grabbing their equipment and rushing to access their null suits. Lucretia tuned her Stone of Farspeech to Leon’s, feeling momentarily calmed listening to their usual nonsensical banter, mostly tuning them out while she listened to Avi’s status report.

While Avi updated her on the quickly thrown together calculations predicting how long they had before the pink tourmaline touched down, Taako’s best “bastard” voice played in the background as he worked off pre-mission jitters by picking at Leon. Why he tempted the grouchy old gnome was beyond her, even without Lup there egging him on he was just too Taako to leave well enough alone. She listened, trying not to laugh, as they bickered over what color they wanted their null suits to be, all demanding random shades that Leon didn’t see the point of bothering with. She got up quickly before things fully devolved, not letting herself worry about the coming hours as she paced down to the hanger cannon bay to brief the Regulators on what to expect when working to detain Lucas.

Lucretia heard the boys come clattering up behind her, but didn’t turn to speak to them until she had finished bringing Boyland and Carey up to speed, as they hadn’t been at the party when she got the call from Miller Labs. She heard muttering from Merle and Magnus behind her and a sharp yelp that she knew from experience was the sound that Magnus made when elbowed in the ribs. Working to keep the fondness from showing on her face, Lucretia turned to send off her Reclaimers and stopped dead, staring at the boys dressed in their various soft red null suits.

While Carey and Killian excited introduction between the boys and Boyland gave her the moment she needed to mentally compose herself, she didn’t fully have time to process the memories that she had been thrown back into until hours later, having collected the Philosopher’s Stone from the horrifying Magnus slide (and if that didn’t remind her of 20-year old Magnus’s antics in the first few cycles…) and sent the exhausted trio and boy detective off to bed. She then spent the rest of the night in front of Junior’s tank, sitting on the floor and watching the lights play across the dark ceiling, worrying quietly about how much they actually remembered, and how many more subconscious moments she was missing.

______

After that Candlenights, Lucretia started spending more time on the Quad, letting herself interact more with the various members of the Bureau of Balance. After losing Boyland and Captain Captain Bane, two of the first real friends that she had been willing to open up to on this plane, she had to admit to herself that she needed someone to talk to, even if it was about something as mundane as how to properly tune a violin with Johann. As she started to rejoin the day-to-day life at the Bureau, she was reminded often of just how much of Magnus, Taako, and Merle’s personalities remained, despite the loss of a hundred years of their lives.

______

The first time it happened, she was just walking between her office and the Fantasy Costco, ignoring the bright sunshine and the laughter and cheers from Carey and Avi as Angus refereed a push-up contest between Killian and Magnus. She smiled indulgently over at them as she walked past, only to spot Merle sitting alone between the gnarled roots of a large elm tree between her and her employees’ goofs. Lucretia frowned uncertainly as the old dwarf stood up suddenly and kicked at something by his feet, cursing loudly, and she found herself quickly moving over towards the angry cleric. She raised a questioning brow as she drew closer, and Merle jumped a few inches into the air as he failed his passive perception roll.

“Hi Merle,” she said cautiously, “What are you doing?”

Merle looked vaguely flustered by seeing her out and about for a change, and she felt a touch guilty about that thought.

“Oh umm hi Lucretia. Didn’t see you there,” he replied weakly. “I was just refreshing myself on this game I was going to play with Johann. I used to be pretty damn good at this if you can believe it, but I can’t seem to remember the friggin rules anymore.” He glared down at the various game cards scattered around the grass, and shrugged without meeting her eyes. “Anyways, feel free to give it a try if you want, not like I give a rat’s ass either way.”

With that, he wandered off across the Quad, likely planning on interfering with the contest that had now reached well into the nineties. Lucretia stared down at the place where he had been sitting, feeling hollow as she stared at the familiar set-up for Fantasy Euchre.

______

A few weeks later, Lucretia struggled not to bang her head against the desk as another small sniffle sounded from the corner of her office, where Angus had denied her offer of a tissue three times now while he sat and sifted through the day’s intel from the Bureau’s Seekers on the surface. Madam Directors act like professionals, she reminded herself. Don’t snap at him, he’s a little kid.

“Angus,” she started cautiously, taking care to allow only mild interest into her voice, “would you like to talk about whatever is upsetting you?”

Angus’s head poked up from over the top of the stack of papers and he sighed yet again before navigating his way over to her desk between the various magical items and devices scattered around the room that were being used in their search for the remaining Grand Relics. He perched carefully on the edge of one of the overstuffed chairs in front of her desk, and wrung his hands in his lap as he considered his words, looking like he was on the verge of tears.

“I think Mr. Taako is angry with me,” he finally managed. “We were getting breakfast because he got up before training for once, and I was getting a tasty granola snack from the buffet and he just started crying. I don’t know what I _did_ , but he must be so mad at me.” He buried his face in his hands and groaned quietly.

Lucretia stared at him in shock, completely unbelieving that Taako Taaco, the elf who grew up between caravans fighting to keep himself and his sister alive by being as useful and unburdensome as possible, would be willing to cry in front of someone that she knew, to his mind, was little more than a stranger.

She shook her head to clear it quickly, reminding herself to deal with the crying child now, and have a minor crisis about how much she had fundamentally altered her dear friend later.

Sometime later, after calming Angus down and sending him off to an early lunch with Avi and Johann before the Reclaimers and Regulators finished their morning exercises, she made herself a calming cup of Earl Grey and smiled at the relief of finally having a quiet office. Lucretia called Leon on her Stone of Farspeech, knowing that he was Angus’s sole usual breakfast companion, as the regular early risers at the Bureau.

“What.” snapped Leon when he finally answered his Stone.

Lucretia decided to ignore the frankly normal-for-Leon behavior and politely asked him what had happened during breakfast in the cafeteria that morning.

Leon was silent for a moment, static crackling over the Stone and causing Lucretia to lightly smack the side in order to make sure it hadn’t broken up completely.

“You know what?” Leon finally replied, “I’m not entirely sure. I was just going to leave and carry out my breakfast when I saw all of the Reclaimers walk in, but was waiting for my omelet to be finished. Burnsides did his usual ‘Morning Person’ bullshit and ran over to look at the buffet line and yelled something about cereal, and then Taako drops his tray and sends yogurt just everywhere. He’s standing there in the middle of the room, and tears start pouring down his face. Angus goes to ask him what’s wrong and the damn elf stares at him, and just turns around and walks out. Never seen him act like that before, it’s usually impossible to get him to shut the hell up. Made the poor kid cry, and the others didn’t even blink.”

Lucretia stared unseeingly down at the investigative report on her desk, describing a dungeon on the beach of the Stillwater Sea that had been linked to weird time jumps throughout the area and was being considered as a potential location for the Temporal Chalice. She had literally no idea what to do about this, this was so out of her league and—

“Lucretia? Madam Director?” Leon interrupted this hurtling train of thought.

Lucretia heard her own voice as if from very far away. “Thank you, Leon, that was very helpful. Before you get back to work, do you happen to remember what Magnus said?”

She could practically hear the force of Leon’s eyeroll through the line as he replied “Oh gods I don’t know, some nonsense about the Fantasy Fruit Loops finally being back?”

Lucretia spent the rest of the afternoon locked in her office.

______

A few days before the Reclaimers left for the Woven Gulch in order to join Avi in his efforts to actually access Refuge, Lucretia stumbled over Magnus as she left her dome for the evening, almost falling over him as he lay on the floor in front of her office.

The Director knew he had been a little lonely lately with Avi on the surface and Carey and Killian dancing around each other (and really, she needed to find out if they had finally started dating yet…), but this wasn’t exactly normal behavior for the big human. She’d assumed that between his fellow Reclaimers and the boy detective he’d be off getting into trouble, and she wasn’t sure how to approach whatever he was doing. She just hoped this wasn’t another one of his pranks, there was that time in Cycle 42 when he and Taako had accidentally killed Barry in a prank gone wrong…

“So, what are you doing, Magnus?” Lucretia said, mentally cutting off that line of thought before it got going and things got even more awkward.

“Oh hi Director, uhhhhh lovely to see you, hope you’re having a real nice day,” Magnus was obviously stumbling over his words as she carefully stepped over him.

She turned around to face the fighter head on, and was surprised to see that he was lying beside Davenport’s small desk, where he would sit and perform small tasks throughout the day. Lucretia’s biggest regret, even more than making Taako forget his missing sister, was what had happened to their former Captain. She had felt so horrible about reducing him to a glorified butler, but experience had shown that without something to keep him busy, he tended to find a small, dark corner and curl up and stare at the wall.

Davenport smiled toothily up at her, the vacant look in his eyes quietly breaking her heart for the thousandth time.

“Davenport, Daaaavenport!” he announced to the room at large, nodding his head sagely.

“Yeah, you said it,” Magnus smiled over at the gnome. “We’re just hanging out, Lucretia, you wanna join us? Taako’s doing something fancy in the kitchen to show off to Angus, and Merle’s busy doing whatever on the surface, so the two of us were going to go raid the kitchens!”

Davenport’s head bobbed in agreement, and the burly human laughed and ruffled his hair.

Lucretia had to focus very hard on not letting her astonishment at seeing Dav interact more than just following direct orders show, and felt her eyes starting to well up with emotion. She worked to keep tight control over herself, smiling carefully at the two before replying.

“Thank you for the offer, Magnus. I was actually thinking of having a movie night and enjoying some pizza and some peace and quiet. Would you both be okay with changing your plan?”

Magnus bounced easily to his feet with an enormous grin. “Oh Merle’s gunna be pissed he missed this. I’ll get Taako and Angus, Dav can you please get some pizza from the cafeteria? Basil, spinach, and garlic okay, Lucretia? Taako’s obviously also a vegetarian, but he’s picky as hell.”

Lucretia was taken aback, as she had never told the now-Magnus that she didn’t eat meat- a holdover from the very first cycle, where everyone but Magnus and Merle had decided to permanently forgo eating meat, to the delight of the elven twins (which was later broken for the one and only time in Cycle 78, a hellish landscape of dust and stone, where Lup’s initial jokes of having to resort to cannibalism hadn’t been quite as funny a few months in when they couldn’t scavenge anything else from the ruins, and had ended up starving in order to make sure Dav had enough supplies to make it through the year).

Magnus had already started to wander off towards the residential area, never the best at patience, and Lucretia quickly replied, “Oh yes, that’s fine! Can you let the others know we should meet in the lounge?” She had to raise her voice as he jogged across the Quad.

He turned and jogged backwards so he was facing her and hollered back, “Aye Aye Cap’nPort!” before spinning back around and racing off to hunt down the others.

Lucretia looked thoughtfully down at Davenport, who was carefully putting away the pencils that he had been sharpening. He then started walking towards the cafeteria, presumably off to fetch the requested pizza, leaving Lucretia alone with her memories.

______

Magnus had been… off since the Reclaimers had returned from Refuge. Lucretia wasn’t entirely certain what was going on with him, and she didn’t know how to bring it up, although she privately spoke with Carey about doing something to cheer him up.

Taako meanwhile, was on top of the world after finding out the truth about Glamorsprings, informing everyone who would listen, “Well ya know cha’boy is too good for that kind of mistake.”

While Angus had updated her privately that he was starting to work himself up to letting others try his cooking again, Lucretia was thrilled to find an ostentatious neon pink flyer under her door one evening, with the lime green glitter gel pen cursive announcing:

_**Sizzle it up with Taako: Lunar Edition!** _

with details for a performance the elven wizard was planning. She eagerly RSVP’d for his show, and quietly arranged for the Bureau’s kitchens to be stocked with everything he would need for his old favorite recipes from his time as the Starblaster’s resident chef, and prepared the buffet counter to serve as a make-shift stage for the performance.

The night of Taako’s big show, Lucretia dismissed all of the employees early, encouraging them to enjoy the night off by going to see his performance. She herself arrived early in order to help with the set-up. She had been banned from the Starblaster’s kitchens more than anyone but Barry (who was constantly in trouble for “distracting” Lup while she was Taako’s sous-chef), but the now-Taako didn’t remember the time she’d started a grease fire just trying to boil water, and she was familiar with his favored kitchen set-up.

Brad and Angus had been conscripted to assist with the preparations in the kitchen—Angus because he didn’t have a choice, and Brad because he was too nice to say no—while Taako had Magnus moving various tables and chairs around the cafeteria to achieve the layout he wanted. Lucretia was fairly certain that Taako was mostly just fucking with him by the end, and went to find a seat at the front next to Merle, who was pointedly not helping.

Once the show actually started, Lucretia found herself completely enthralled. Taako had always been an incredible chef and watching his dramatics with Lup in the kitchen never failed to be entertaining, but it was evident that over the past few years he’d turned his cooking show into a true piece of performance art. His banter with the audience made her laugh harder than she had in months; she oohed and aahed at the explosions of color, glitter, and flame as Taako showcased his transmutation magic in a grand display of burning spell slots; and she let herself feel at ease for the first night in a long time.

Lucretia glanced over at Merle at one point in the performance, smile on her face from a downright stupid joke Taako had made involving Magnus, Beef Stroganoff, and his eternal quest to sneak a dog onto the moon. She was surprised to see him frowning intently at the stage, brows pinched together with a confused look.

Lucretia took her life into her own hands, risking Taako’s ire by whispering quietly, “What’s going on, Merle?”

Merle turned slowly to face her rather than the performance. “That’s not how that joke ends.” he replied, as if from very far away, “That’s not how any of those jokes end. She’s supposed to say ‘and that’s how Magnus almost lost his eye!’”

On Merle’s other side, Avi looked puzzled, and quietly said, “Did Taako and Angus practice the joke before? Or was someone else meant to be helping out tonight?”

Merle looked back to the performance, where Taako was now doing a bit that Angus was too short to be his assistant, accompanied by a steadily growing countertop as the wizard subtly transmuted it to increase in height, making Angus have to hop to reach the various cooking implements Taako was hollering to fetch for him.

“Must be misremembering.” the dwarf finally replied, talking far too loudly, “Now shut up before he notices and fries us.”

Avi seemed content with this explanation and refocused on the show, but Lucretia was suddenly reminded of the actual story of how Magnus almost lost his eye for the first time, since the scar that now covered his right eyebrow had definitely not been there when the IPRE had first left home.

It had been one of the first cycles, long before meeting Fisher or Puppy Town, when Magnus wanted to bring a dog with them more than literally anything. They knew taking people with them at the end of the year wasn’t an option, but Magnus had reasoned that that plane’s version of dogs didn’t count as people (and really, Lucretia had been so creeped out by the large pinkish Jaa’m that she hadn’t wanted to even go near them in order to find out). Davenport had put his foot down about Magnus keeping one, but when the Hunger came and they hadn’t found the Light, he’d tried to smuggle the one that had been following him around all year on board.

Turned out, the reason the creatures’ wings were vestigial was because they’re scared of heights. The horrifying thing scratched the hell out of Magnus as it fought to get off the ship when the Hunger’s columns slammed down, and ended up sweeping Lup off the deck of the Starblaster when she’d lunged to grab it. She’s never let Magnus live it down, and she and Taako used to do a very lively reenactment of the—

Oh. Well that would explain why Merle remembered the joke going differently, although Lucretia was sure he didn’t know why he thought of it.

Her attention immediately snapped back to the performance, as one of Taako’s dance-like flourishes ended up slamming him directly into Brad, who had volunteered to bring the now complete food out to the audience. The tray Brad had been preparing went flying out of his hands, sending a handful of dishes to the floor with a shatter.

Everything froze as the elf clambered to his feet, yelling, “Dammit Lulu, you know you’re supposed to cut right when I move left—” he cut himself off suddenly, staring in confusion at Brad before turning to look at the audience in surprise.

Lucretia stared back at him, feeling as though she had been punched in the gut. Watching Taako struggle against Junior’s influence to follow the thought, she promised herself that after Wonderland, no matter what, she would inoculate the boys. She couldn’t keep this from them anymore, not now that she knew, really _knew_ that they were still remembering, that they were suffering against the weight of their missing memories.

Taako visibly pulled himself together, quietly saying to Brad, “Sorry my dude, that one was on Taako.” He managed to rally enough to finish the show, and even hung out for a few minutes afterwards, but it was obvious that he was still feeling off, and he ended up excusing himself early amidst one final round of applause.

Magnus and Lucretia stood together and watched him leave, and the fighter sighed heavily as his teammate exited the dome.

“Well that certainly could have ended better.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck with his Phantom Fist hand, “Poor Taako, I have no idea how that even happened. They were so good in rehearsal!” He glanced over at Lucretia with another heavy sigh, “I’d better go check on him, make sure he’s not gunna lock himself in his room for a week again. G’night Director.”

Magnus headed off in the same direction that Taako had gone, while Lucretia turned to oversee the dismantling of the staging area and the returning of the cafeteria to its normal state.

______

Two days later, the Reclaimers left for Wonderland in pursuit of the Animus Bell. That was the last time Lucretia saw all three of them together, without the accusation of the knowing of what she had done to them glaring back at her from their eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow me on Tumblr at moonsgreatestboydetective.tumblr.com if you want to yell about the Adventure Zone or any one of my other million favorite shows :)  
> Please comment / kudos if you enjoyed or have something to share, as I said up at the top I'm just now getting back into writing fanfic (the one good thing about corona is it's giving me more free time) and plan to be posting a lot more in the near future!


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